


On Returning Home

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-28
Updated: 2005-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:01:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin returns to Pittsburgh after a long time away.





	On Returning Home

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

The flight from New York to Pittsburgh was fairly uneventful. No winds shook the plane. No lightening bolts struck. It was silly, but Justin had been slightly afraid that something like that would happen. It didn’t, so Justin took it as a good sign. The plane touched down smoothly. Justin was glad to get up and stretch his cramped muscles. He was tired. It had been a long day between taking care of everything at the gallery and then catching the last flight to Pittsburgh. Because it was late, it didn’t take Justin long to collect his bags and catch a cab into the city. As he settled into the back seat, he watched the buildings that loomed in the distance, and tried to make his stomach doing flip-flops. He took a few deep breaths, hoping to get rid of his growing sense of dread. It had been too long since he had been back, or not long enough, Justin wasn’t sure which.

Soon enough he reached his hotel. All he wanted to do was check in and go to bed. He went up to his room and put his suitcase to the side. He would worry about unpacking in the morning. He shed his clothes and crawled under the covers, savoring the relaxation. He had a busy couple of days ahead of him, so he needed the rest. Only, once he was actually in bed he found it difficult to sleep. There were too many memories that were crowding his thoughts. Justin sighed, he could hardly believe that he hadn’t been back to Pittsburgh in fifteen years. 

~*~*~*~* 

He was twenty when he had been offered an amazing job in New York. It was one that was hard to resist. A computer company wanted him to design the graphics for a new line of games, and they would pay for the rest of his school if he transferred to one there in New York so that he could start working right away. Justin had been stunned, but very excited. This was the chance he had always been waiting for. But something was holding him back. That was Brian. 

Living together in their “semi-relationship” had never been easy, but they had managed. Justin often found it hard to believe that he had lived with Brian for over a year. But things were far from perfect. In fact, Justin often felt that for every step they took forward, they took two steps backward. Still, Justin loved Brian more than anyone else, so he wasn’t willing to give up on him that easily. 

When he told Brian about the job, he asked if Brian would consider moving to New York with him. Justin didn’t really expect Brian to say yes. He wasn’t surprised when the man refused. It was different when he had been the one with the job offer. Then there had been a good reason for him to give up his position as “God’s gift to gay PA.” Justin didn’t say it, but he knew that if Brian had asked him to go, he would have said yes. So Justin had to do something else. He could remember that conversation as if it were yesterday. He had been sitting on the sofa, sketching, and Brian had been working at his desk. Justin was tired of the silence, so he decided it was time to ask the question. 

“Are things ever going to be different?” 

“What?” Brian looked up from his work. 

“Are things ever going to be different?” Justin repeated the question. “I mean between us.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Brian had said. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about Brian. When is this game going to stop? When is it going to be just you and me, without all the bullshit?” 

“You’re such a drama princess sometimes.” Brian had replied, sounding bored. 

“And you’re changing the subject.” Justin had told him. “Answer me!” 

“You knew what I was like when you moved in. I told you then that I wasn’t going to change. You even said you didn’t want me to. That was supposed to be enough.” 

“But it’s not enough, not any more. We’re not the same as we were. Jesus Brian, how long do I have to wait before you wake up?” 

“I have work to do.” Brian had said, not wanting to keep talking. 

“Look, this job in New York is a huge opportunity, and if there is no hope for me, for us, here, then maybe...” 

“So take the job Justin. Just take it.” Brian had said, and that had been the end of the conversation. And that had been the end of Brian and Justin. 

Justin was heartbroken, but he refused to let anyone see it. Brian’s message had been very clear. He could never give Justin what he wanted, what he needed, and so there was no reason for him to stay. He accepted the position, and just over a month later he was leaving. Justin would never forget that final night. His plane didn’t leave until late that evening, so Debbie had insisted on throwing him a goodbye party. In the tradition of many of their parties, it was highly uncomfortable. There had been lots of Debbie’s cooking followed by lots of tears. Justin was passed from woman to woman as they hugged him tightly. It was hard to get out of their grip. Then he said his goodbyes to the guys. Justin was surprised to see that even Michael looked like he would miss him. All the love from these people was overwhelming to Justin. It briefly made him consider changing his mind. He could feel himself starting to choke up, but then he caught a glimpse of Brian, the only person with dry eyes, and he had squared his shoulders. There was no turning back now. 

In the month since Justin’s decision, Brian and Justin had tried to pretend that everything was the same as always, but there was a definite sense of tension. Justin thought bitterly of how Brian refused to let go of the game, right until the end. Despite all of that, Brian had agreed, thanks to some threats from the ladies, to take Justin to the airport. It was just the two of them in the half-empty terminal. No one else came for the final goodbye. Justin heard his flight being called and knew that it was time to go. He turned to Brian and stopped trying to keep back the tears. He kissed Brian one last time and then stepped back.

“I love you Brian Kinney.” he said. 

Brian didn’t say anything, so Justin turned around and started walking to the gate. He willed Brian to say something anything. If he had said anything, even if he had just called out Justin’s name, the young man would have turned around, gone to him, and never let go. But there was nothing, so Justin kept walking. As much as he wanted to, he wouldn’t turn around, because then he knew that he would lose his tenuous control over his emotions. He got onto the plane and flew to his new life. 

~*~*~*~* 

The job was good, and Justin was happy with it. He threw himself into his work and school. That helped him from thinking about Brian. Eventually he met someone nice. It wasn’t love, but it was the next best thing. Justin could never be like Brian with his trick a night. Justin needed someone stable. He worked for the company for five years, and they wanted him to stay longer, but Justin was determined to open his own gallery. He was already gaining notoriety for his work, so his goals were realized very quickly. By the time he was thirty, he had a very successful gallery in Soho, an amazing condo, and exhibits all over the world. That was also the year he met Aidan. Aidan had black curls and piercing blue eyes, but the thing that had attracted Justin to him first was his accent, an Irish brogue that sent shivers down his spine. For the second time ever, Justin was in love. True, he never stopped loving Brian, but that didn't stop him from loving Aidan as well. 

When he had left Pittsburgh, Justin had promised to keep in touch with his old friends, which he did at first. They never mentioned Brian and he never asked. But as the years went by, they lost contact. He’d even seen Melanie once, years before when she had been in town for a conference, but that was the last time he had seen any of them, and after awhile they stopped talking at all. His mother had remarried and moved to Philadelphia, so he had no reason to go back to Pittsburgh, and he didn’t want to. There were too many painful memories there. 

And so, the years passed and Justin was thirty-five. One day he received a letter saying that a gallery in Pittsburgh was doing an exhibit of his work, and they wanted him to be there for the opening. As Justin walked home that evening, he thought about it. He didn’t want to go really, but wanted to discuss it with Aidan before making any decisions. He got to his apartment and opened the door to find Aidan fucking some guy. Justin was crushed. They had been together for five years and now it was over. Aidan had always known that Justin had needed him to be faithful more than anything else. With all the chaos surrounding the break up, Justin decided to accept the invitation. Suddenly Pittsburgh’s old painful memories were preferable to the fresh ones in New York. That was why, fifteen years after he left, Justin was finally back in Pittsburgh. 

~*~*~*~* 

His first day back in Pittsburgh was a bit of a waste. The people running the exhibit were stressing over every little detail, which went against Justin’s style. Privately, he thought that they could have set up the whole thing by themselves, but as long as he was there, he tried to sort them out as best he could. After a long day of dealing with them, Justin was glad to get away. He politely declined an invitation to go out for a few drinks, saying that he already had plans. And he did. Justin had planned what Brian would have called “a nostalgic recreation of his misspent youth.” Justin went back to his hotel to change into his clubbing clothes. He may have been thirty-five, but Justin could pass for a much younger man. He wasn’t as thin as he had been. That had been replaced with well-toned muscles. Justin admired himself in the mirror as he got ready to go. He tried to decide where he should go first. Justin briefly wondered if the guys would be at Babylon, then laughed at himself. They would be in their forties, forty six or forty seven. Babylon was most likely a thing of the past for them. Justin decided to start out at Woody’s, if it was still there. He left his hotel and grabbed a cab for Liberty Avenue 

When he got there, Justin was glad to see that Woody’s did still exist. He stepped inside and smiled to himself. It hadn’t changed. Maybe the guys weren't the same ones as the last time he had been there, but the bar itself seemed frozen in time. It was comforting. Justin looked around and spotted three older men sitting at a table near the bar. One of them was wearing a bright magenta sweater, so he immediately knew who they were. Justin wasn’t ready to face his old friends right away, so he took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink. He was close enough to their table that he could hear their conversation. 

“Michael, I’m so glad to see you back here. You’ve been sitting at home alone far too long.” That was Ted’s voice. 

“I know, but it’s been so hard since Ben died. I just needed time.” 

“We understand sweetie.” said Emmett “And you know that we’ll be here for you whenever you need us.” 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.” 

“Good thing you don’t have to find out.” said Ted. Justin prayed that they would say something about Brian. He needed to know where he was. 

“Now enough being maudlin.” interjected Emmett “We are here to party.” 

“Maybe you are, but I’m too old.” replied Michael/ 

“Nonsense Peter Pan. We’ll never grow up.” 

“I have a better idea.” Ted said. “Let’s look at all the hotties we want to sleep with, but who don’t even notice us.” 

“Oh goodie! Let’s do that.” Emmett agreed. 

“Same as always.” added Michael. They all laughed and clinked their glasses together. Justin felt a touch of sadness. He wished that he could have that kind of camaraderie. He decided that it was time to move on to the next stop on the tour. As he was paying for his drink, Justin put an extra bill on the counter. 

“Tell them the next round is on me. To friendship.” he told the bartender, nodding towards the table behind him where the guys were happily checking out all the younger men. Then he left. 

Justin decided to hold off a little before visiting the diner, because he wasn’t sure if Debbie would be there, and he didn’t think he was ready to face her just yet. He had no doubt that she would recognize him, even if no one else did. Instead he went to Babylon. Just as at Woody’s, it seemed that nothing had changed. He didn’t join the mass of people on the dance floor. Rather, he took a spot on of the catwalks above so that he could check out the crowd. While on the outside, it seemed that everything was the same, Justin couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. The thrill was gone. Justin kept searching for that figure that had always attracted the most attention at Babylon, although he knew that he wouldn’t find him. Without the chance of seeing Brian, Babylon was only ordinary. It could have been any club in any city. That was profoundly depressing to Justin. He suddenly felt tired, so he decided to leave. His stroll down memory lane was complete for one night. 

As he was leaving the club, something, rather someone, caught his eye. Standing under a lamppost was a very attractive young man. He couldn’t be more than nineteen or twenty. Justin was intrigued by the kid, so he went a bit closer. He didn’t know why, but he felt a strong attraction to him. Justin figured that since he was single he could hook up with the guy if he wanted to. As he approached the young man he saw that he had brown hair and hazel eyes. He was a gorgeous kid. Justin stepped in front of him. 

“So, how’s it going?” he asked. 

“Not bad.” he had the blasé routine down. 

“Where are you headed?” 

“No place special.” the kid said. Justin should have heard the warning bells in that, but he didn’t. 

“I can change that.” 

“Sounds good.” 

“Come on, let’s go.” Justin said, and they began to walk away. The kid slipped an arm around Justin’s waist, so Justin put his arm around the guys shoulder. As they got into a cab for Justin’s hotel Justin turned to his companion. 

“What’s your name?” he asked “I’m Justin.” 

“I’m Peter.” the kid replied. 

“Nice to meet you Peter. Um, how old are you?” 

“I’m twenty.” he said quickly. 

“How old are you, really?” 

“Eighteen.” 

“Okay. Now come on. We’re here.” 

~*~*~*~* 

Peter was good, really good. It had been a long time since Justin had been with anyone so young. He had forgotten how much energy you could have at that age. Luckily Justin had stayed in shape, so he was up to the challenge. Peter was definitely not a virgin. He knew what he was doing. They finally collapsed onto the bed sweating, panting, and thoroughly satisfied. Peter asked if he could stay the night and Justin let him. That would give them time for a few more rounds. First, Peter wanted to talk. He chatted about school and what he liked to do. Justin found in endearing and listened to everything. Since Peter seemed to be a regular of Liberty Avenue Justin could use him to get some information about his old friends. 

“Do you know Debbie Novotny?” he asked. 

“ _Everyone_ knows Debbie.” replied Peter with a little role of his eyes. Justin couldn’t help but laugh. “How do you know her?” 

“You just said everyone knows Debbie.” teased Justin and Peter rolled is eyes again. “I used to live here.” 

“Oh, that’s cool.” 

“So, does she still work at the diner?” 

“Nah, Michael and Harry convinced her to retire a few years ago.” 

“Harry?” 

“Her husband, He’s a nice guy, used to be a police officer. Her son Michael likes him a lot. We all do. It was really nice that she found someone at last.” 

“I’m happy for her.” 

“That hasn't stopped her from keeping busy.” Peter told him as he sat up and moved so he was sitting near the foot of the bed. “She runs a youth drop in program at the GLC. She’s usually there four or five days a week. The kids like her.” 

“Is that how you met Debbie?” 

“No, she’s an old friend of the family.” Peter flipped over onto his stomach as he spoke. 

“So I take it that your parents are okay with you being gay.” 

“Hell yeah! Their gay too.” 

“Oh, well that makes it easy.” 

“I guess, but sometimes it can be a pain. I mean it’s like I have to make up for the things that they fucked up. Especially with my dad.” Peter was moving around again. God, he was like a puppy, on speed. 

“It’s better than the alternative. My dad flipped out. To him I’m dead.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. That was a long time ago.” 

“I don’t get my dad sometimes.” 

“Well that’s normal.” 

“Apparently he used to be big on Liberty Avenue, you know, really popular, but I can’t see him like that.” 

“And why is that?” 

“For as long as I can remember he hasn’t been interested in that scene. It all changed after his boyfriend left. I was just a toddler then, so I don’t remember him.” Peter said “And no one will talk about him. It’s a totally taboo subject.” 

“Sometimes it’s too painful to talk about something so painful.” Justin knew from experience. 

“But maybe if I understood what happened, I would understand why he doesn’t want me to get onto the party scene.” 

“You’re pretty smart for someone so young.” 

“I’m not sure that’s a complement. I hate it when people say stuff about my age like that.” 

“I felt the same way about it when I was _your age_. I bet you hate that one too.” They both laughed. “So, how about your mom?” 

“Moms” corrected Peter. “They’re a little bit more relaxed about things. I think that they realize that I need to find my own way.” he paused. “Am I boring you?” 

“Not at all. I like listening to you talk.” 

“Thanks. You know, you’re pretty cool.” 

“Oh thanks!” said Justin sarcastically. 

“You know what I mean!” the kid said, exasperated. Justin smiled at him. 

“Yeah I know Peter.” Justin didn’t know why, but there was something about this young man that felt familiar. It was almost impossible that their paths had crossed before. 

“Um, actually I have a confession to make. My name’s not Peter. I usually tell guys that I hook up with that, but you’re different. Peter is short for Peterson, my last name. My real name is Gus.” 

That was too weird. First he meets a kid with two moms, and a gay dad who are on intimate terms with Debbie Novotny. Then he finds out that the kid is named Gus. Too weird. 

“Okay, Gus. Can I ask one question?” 

“Sure.” 

“What’s your dad’s name?” 

“His name is Brian. Brian Kinney.” 

“Fuck!” 


End file.
